


Courage to Change the Things I Can

by Caelum (Caelum_the_Slytherin), Caelum_the_Slytherin



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angsty bois, M/M, Modern AU, Multi, Nart has PTSD, Naruto doesnt know how to express his feelings, Psychological Trauma, Recovering Addict!Naruto, Therapy, half way house shenanigans, healing fic, kinda healthy sasuke, living in a halfway house, mention of drug overdose, mentions of child abuse, mentions of drug use, might be sad idk yet, sasukes parents are alive, yes sasuke drives for door dash
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-18
Updated: 2019-09-18
Packaged: 2020-07-07 19:34:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19856884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caelum_the_Slytherin/pseuds/Caelum, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caelum_the_Slytherin/pseuds/Caelum_the_Slytherin
Summary: Naruto is a fuck up, but at least he's trying to do better. Learning how to live life on its own terms with no faking, no substances, and no lying has proven to actually kick his ass, and he's been in a depressed stupor despite his therapists encouragements of him doing better. He doesn't feel better, he feels bored and burnt out. So how can a complete stranger make him feel so much more alive than the drugs ever did.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys so this is my first work in the fandom but ive been reading for years and the situation where i literally fell and my door dash driver caught me happened literally today and i joked that it was a modern au and well, figured id write my favorite angsty boys in my actual living situation, from narts pov at least. This story will include recovery from addiction, mentions of drug use, and all the nasty parts of my own addiction, to which i please add that if this could be triggering to you, PLEASE be gentle with yourself and I will add warnings each chapter if I choose to continue on with this story. So I hope you enjoy and leave critiques in the comments!!

Laying in bed all day on his day off was pure bliss, with his laptop off to his side of his extremely small twin sized bed, he took a look around the room, seemed liked a dorm room in a normal sense, the look alike two dressers on either ends of the matching wood framed beds that made way too much noise if you even dared breathe on them 

_Heh, yea, college, thats totally why I’m here_

Gaara hadn’t been home all day, well, since Naruto woke up that is, so around 2pm. Gaara slept in the bed not even two feet away from him, and Naruto wouldn’t say to any of his friends, but he got lonely even if he knew Gaara would be coming back, well hopefully coming back. In these circumstances there's always the chance he wouldn’t, or would be found dead, or just never heard from again. It wouldn’t be the first time it had happened. Naruto remembers a housemate that moved in and not even a week later he was gone. What’s sad is, he couldn’t even remember his name. The turnover rate was pretty damn high but that’s only to be expected in a place like this, in a _goddamn_ halfway house. Well, this was technically a three quarters house, no live in house manager checking to see if your room was clean every day and waiting up for curfew every night. No, Naruto had minded his qs and ps and was now in a house that so happened to house five addicts, and they were drug tested three times a week, but other than that, it was very much college-eque. 

The sunlight warmed his thighs from the window his bed was pushed up against, knowing he shouldn't be down because Gaara was only at work, as was required in this house, and instead should focus on feeding himself. Naruto often would just lay in bed some days and ignore hunger and thirst just for the sake doing so, but his therapist Shizune said that listening to his body blah blah blah, take care of yourself stupid bitch, or something like that. 

Now he had a car, a car with a leak in the brake fluid line, so unless it was to go to work, he tried not to drive it. His friend across the hall, one of his best friends really, Neji, always hounded him about just taking and getting it fixed, and Naruto had plenty of money, kinda, so he could take to get it fixed, it was just _so much_. Kiba, Neji’s roommate thought it was funny actually, “you always joke about wanting to die so beep beep bitch heres your chance, now get it fixed dumbass” Kiba was very....chaotic, to say the least. Neji and Kiba were his best friends here, even if both of them had relapsed for a time, back to back almost, and he found Neji od’ed in the bathroom, it only happened once, and he had lived, so, water under the bridge. Truthfully Naruto had been worried after Neji went back to treatment, because the aftermath of that OD like the thirty minutes in the time it had taken Neji to fly into an absolute panic and beg Naruto not to tell the house manager, with tears flowing down his face and scratch marks across his eyes from where he had tried to scratch them out when he was fucked up, in a voice that Naruto barely recognized as his friend, BEGGED Naruto not to tell, and then took off in his fancy car that his family bought for him years ago. Neji went to treatment the next night but in that time Naruto didn’t sleep once, knowing that he could get the call that his friend was dead along with so many others. 

Angsty feelings aside, he was hungry, and not trusting his piece of shit car, pulled up door dash on his phone.

_Ah yes, my one and true steady friend, Door Dash._

Ordering his favorite savory noodle dish, he waited for the confirmation, then decided on catching up on Lucifer, one of his favorite Netflix addictions at the moment since it would take a hot hour due to traffic at 6 that plagued the twisting highways that made up of the mountain city. 

Getting bored after about twenty minutes, he decided to go harass Kiba across the hall since that bastard should be home from work by now. 

“Oh hey what’s up bitch.” 

Kiba was sprawled in the bed closest to the nearest wall, and the windows across the room had the blinds pulled all the way up letting the summer sun warm up the small room in a house that seemed perpetually freezing, curtesy of Gaara always fucking with the thermostat.

“How was work?” Naruto asked, as Kiba was entirely absorbed into his phone.

“Dude, I upsold the shit out of some food today, and I’m ahead of that bitch Ino in the lead for sales.”

“Whats the reward since it’s this weird competition?” 

“Oh, like scratch off tickets or some shit, I don’t care about that, I just want to beat her.” 

Kiba was sitting up completely at this point, using arm gestures and way too into explaining how, as a server he always recommended expensive sides and tried to get people on the rewards program, and how he was going to need the cooperation of everyone in the house to sign up so he could beat the girl at his job that for some reason he couldn’t stand. It was fucking Red Lobster, so it couldn’t that serious, but we all needed to focus on something, and if Kiba’s hyperfocus of the month was being the best server in Red Lobster history, then so fucking be it. 

Naruto checked his phone and saw that his driver was ten minutes away. 

“Hang on Kibs, my foods about to be here, i gotta put clothes on I guess.” 

Walking the three steps to his room he hastily put on a shirt, and the only shoes readily available were his work shoes he wore at the restaurant he worked at, thick soled and squishy and nonslip, he slipped them on then got down stairs, crossed the living room to their front door, onto the giant porch with a table and chairs and ash trays a blunder, he leaned on the dark wooden rail that pointed to the sidewalk and the road and waited. 

It didn’t take but a few minutes when a black honda civic pulled into the shared driveway the two houses next to each other shared. Naruto walked down the stairs to the right onto the small patch of pebbles and struggling grass and then awkwardly put his hands in his shorts waiting for the driver to get out. 

The man got out, and fuck was he pretty. He had dark hair in a sort of weird hairstyle where it was long but also kinda spikey with fringe that reminded him of the guys in the King for a Day music video. He was pale, wearing all black, shirt and skinny jeans with classic vans, and wow, _Hes just my fucking type._

Remaining as chill as possible, he walked to meet the stranger just infront of his car, onto the concrete, where _somehow_ his shoe caught, and his ankle completely gave up and rolled, next thing he knows is he’s being stablized on either side of his arms looking up into the darkest eyes he’s ever seen. 

“Oh my god im so sorry, these are my work shoes, and I don’t wear them outside much and”- 

“Are you ok?” the stranger stopped his babbling, and Naruto couldn’t tell if he was concerned or trying not to laugh, ok a little dickish.

“Oh yea no I’m fine, I’m chill.”

“You’re chill?” Naruto couldn’t tell if he was being made fun of at the moment and he didn’t care. His face now flush with embarrassment, he was just working on saving face at the moment. 

“Yea, yea I’m good, hey thanks man” He reached for the food that might have been held out for thirty seconds now, he didn’t know, whatever.

“Yea” the dark dude replied, already making his way back into his car.

“Thank you! Drive safe please!” Naruto tried to manage to get in before the car door slammed. 

The black car pulled out and was around the curve and Naruto was still standing there like an idiot, holding his takeout bag, staring. 

“Fuuuuuck I didn’t even look at his name.” 

_And I just looked like a total simp._

  



	2. Water Under the Bridge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is going to include graphic detail of drug use and an OD, so please again if this could trigger you in any way, please put yourself first, its just a fic and nothing to harm yourself over. Also this is a flashback to the history with Neji mentioned in the first chapter.

_ * Three months earlier, the three quarters house, 3am*  _

Naruto was laid back against his propped up pillows, engrossed in Hell’s Kitchen on Hulu, simultaneously scrolling twitter. It was one of those nights where he refused to take his sleep medication and the echoes of the past were louder in his ears than usual. The harsh footsteps of drunken anger coming towards his room, promising hurt and pain, causing his breath to hitch and his chest to hurt. It wasn’t real, just a reminder from his brain that he wasn’t safe,  _ he wasn’t safe anywhere. _ So he drowned it out with media, something to occupy his hands, his vape since he hadn’t had a cigarette since rehab last October, something to occupy his ears, Gordan Ramsey’s sweet sweet tenor insults, and something to occupy his mind, the endless stream of information constantly available to him privy his cell phone. And yea, the sleep meds worked, but they made him feel like he was back on heroin, and um, no thank you, that wasn’t a feeling that brought joy anymore, if it ever did in the first place. 

Gaara was visiting family overseas, on some sort of vacation maybe? He didn’t know, because Gaara was always especially cryptic when it came to his family, so who knows. The joy of being the only one in the room just meant that he didn’t have to wear headphones for his necessary ritual of nightly preoccupations, so less tangled wires, but more sounds from his past, a give and take if you will. 

Kiba was currently back in a treatment facility after going awol for about two and a half weeks, but thankfully was doing seemingly better and his mania seemed slightly better controlled than the downhill the past month had been. Fuck, it had been exhausting and destroying to see his friend spiral like that and be unable to stop what they all knew was going to happen. But he was alive and he made it back, and really that was a joy in and of itself. So that left only Neji on the top floor of the packed house, and Neji was always well asleep at this hour.

At least, he usually is. Naruto had heard the shower going earlier at around 1:30, and given that it was weird for the princess to do so, always highlighting how important it was to have a regular sleep schedule, it wasn’t anything to cause alarm. Then around 2:30, Neji was still in the bathroom, though the shower had been turned off. Neji had complained earlier about being allergic to cats really severely and the stray cat that came around their house every now and then had scratched him the day before, and the scratch hadn’t looked good earlier that day, turning an angry pissed off red all around the scratch, and truth be told, really concerning Naruto. Addicts had this weird thing with almost no self preservation and nonchalance, but Neji assured that he would be fine. 

Then the banging started in the bathroom, like someone was falling but trying to pick themselves up repeatedly. Now this, Naruto couldn’t ignore. He cared so damn deeply about his friends, even when they didn’t care about themselves, hell, especially then. So Naruto found himself standing outside the bathroom in the dark, hesitant to walk in since the banging had stopped. But something about the silence unnerved him, somehow reminded him of a dark home from long ago when the hurt only silenced to promise more. 

“.....Neji...you alright in there?” 

No answer. 

“....Neji, I’m gonna come in, are you alright??” 

Naruto pushed opened the door as far as he could, as Neji was laying on the tile right in front of it, his back against the wall and lower slumped body stopping the door halfway. 

_ Alright fuck it could be an allergic reaction, his throat could be closing-  _ Then Naruto saw the orange needle caps and two syringes on the floor by the toilet, his entire body froze, his blood ceased pumping through his body and everthing turned to ice and fire all at once. His eyes darted to Neji’s arms, and sure enough, red track marks were all over the crook of his elbow-  _ how long since i’ve seen his arms, has he been wearing long sleeves- fuckfuckfuckfuck.  _

Reacting on memory and instinct alone of years of overdose protocol in sketchy places and hotel rooms, he lifted Neji by his shoulders and scooted him into the shower, grunting in panic or strain lifting his friends limp body over the ridge of the tub, and dropping him as gently as his dead weight would allow, he turned the shower on, soaking most of his front and the right side of his hair and body and just started slapping the shit out of Neji’s face. 

“Neji, NEJI wake up, c’mon man-” The slaps getting harder as Naruto’s breathing increased. 

_ Breath breathe please, please FUCKING breathe fuck.  _

A sharp inhale and wild blood shot eyes with blue lips gaining some semblance of blood flow, the jolt of Neji jerking up had Naruto on his ass on the floor with his shirt sticking to his body. 

Neji was frantically looking around, not showing that he even saw Naruto, his hands darted up to scratch at his face, a side effect from the fentanyl cutting his dope, he scratched over his eyes, drawing dots of blood here and there. 

From this point, Naruto went into what he knew how to do best, pushing everything down and trying to calm down the threat in front of him, an autopilot his mind knew well. And Neji was a threat, to himself and to Naruto. Naruto knew that when you got high there was no telling what you would do, and being woken up like that from experience tended to ignite violence occasionally, and yea maybe he tried to fight a paramedic once or twice. So now, damage control, getting Neji to chill out so he wouldn’t hurt himself. Naruto was afraid his friend would nod out again and he could bang his head on any of the ceramics and boom, he was dead. 

Naruto’s mind processed all of this in barely the time it took to blink, old habits stay steady and heavily trodden paths were easy to walk. 

“Neji, hey, I think you should go lay down.” He steadied his friend as Neji had stepped out of the bathtub and was wobbling towards Naruto. 

“Naruto, can I talk to you, we need to talk please let me talk to you” His voice was high and whiney and sounded nothing like the deeper steady timbre of the friend he knew. This sounded like an absolute stranger, and with his face scratched up, his eyes so wide it looked almost cock eyed, and the dishevelment that came with being in a shower fully clothed, he was someone that Naruto couldn’t even recognize. 

“Yea, of course Neji, but let’s get you in bed first, in case you fall, you don’t look too good right now.” 

The tone Naruto used was one that he had learned over years of calming storms with nothing but his voice and body language. Soothing, deep, enunciating every word, but seeming friendly, like one to calm a rabid dog. Naruto’s hands up to show no trickery and to show he wasn’t going to hurt Neji, he backed away a little towards the door. He needed to call the house manager, Kakashi had dealt with situations like these on a regular and Naruto knew he had to tell, if only for Neji’s own safety, and because Kakashi always carried Narcan, just in case Neji fell out again and a shower wouldn’t fix it. But his phone was left on his bed, in his room, and he was trapped in the bathroom with a barely sane Neji, and Naruto was starting to feel cornered, never a good thing, and he could tell by the tell tale signs of his hands going cold, and his chest hurting that a panic attack was possible, and then who could he help? Certainly not himself, then what good was he? 

Neji latched onto either side of Naruto’s arms, his eyes going wilder if possible, with tears falling freely “Please Naruto, lets talk, lets talk in here, please I need to talk to you.” in the same voice that didn’t seem to come from Neji, Neji leaning close to his face, his breath smelling of vomit.

Naruto held his composure, shutting down any thinking, any feeling, and going entirely off of what his survival hindbrain led him to do. “Yes I understand that, but I need to call someone to help make sure that you’re ok.” 

“NO!” Neji shouted and Naruto made his decision to dart to his room and lock the door behind him, a now sobbing Neji pounding the door “PLEASE DONT CALL KAKASHI HE CAN’T KNOW YOU CAN’T TELL PLEASE JUST TALK TO ME PLEASE”. The pounding on the door incessant. With shaking hands Naruto lifted his phone from his bed and brought up Kakashi’s contact, despite it being almost 3:30 in the morning, Naruto knew that Kakashi always had his phone turned up all the way, for emergencies precisely like these. 

Only a few rings and the bored but slightly concerned voice filtered through the service 

“Maah, Naruto what’s wrong?” 

Naruto really tried to keep the act up, but his voice shook regardless “Kakashi come over here now please, Neji is really fucked up right now, I found him in the bathroom.” Tears started stabbing his eyes, his body and mental state folding under the pressure of the situation. 

“Ok, I’m on my way.” silence followed, Kakashi had hung up. 

With help with the situation on the way, and he knew Kakashi would be fast, Naruto noticed the absence of the banging. Fearing the worst, he unlocked the door and threw it open, not seeing Neji immediately in his sight, rushed into his room across the hall, finding Neji throwing things into a backpack. 

“...Neji, Kakashi is on his way, he’s gonna help up figure this out” Naruto made sure to use ‘us’ so Neji wouldn’t feel attacked, or singled out. 

“No, NO, he can’t know, THEY can’t know, just NO” Neji was frantic, zipping up the bag. 

Neji kept on, “Does it feel good Naruto, huh, being the one to call Kakashi, being the one to tell on me huh ARE YOU HAPPY NARUTO?” the rage in his voice felt visceral, like a kicked dog.

Naruto was stunned, not knowing how to reply in this exchange, body locking up now faced with rage on a mans face, an angry voice raised against him, a living trigger for his worst memories. Neji stormed out, violently shoving against Naruto’s side, Naruto unable to move his own body. He heard the front door slam and Neji’s car take off down the street. Body unlocking, he darted down the stairs into the living room, his chest heaving.  _ What do I do What do I do?  _

Thankfully by the grace of whatever traffic laws he broke, Kakashi walks through the door, Narcan kit in hand and a drug testing kit in the other. “Where is he?”

Taking a moment to breath in the comfort of an authority figure to take the reigns, Naruto sighs “I don’t know, he just took off in his car....Do we call someone, I mean, I found him unconscious, he can’t be able to drive safe right now...Do we call the police?” 

“Well with it being almost 4:00am, I doubt there’s many people on the road right now, the only danger he poses to is himself and that damage is already done. All we can do is call him and see if he’ll come back. I’ll take his door code out so he can’t come back in for his stuff without calling me.” 

“Kakashi... There are needles upstairs, I can’t go back up there.” 

“Don’t worry kid, I’ll go clean up, you said in the bathroom?” Kakashi placed an attempted consoling hand against his shoulder, and Naruto wouldn’t admit it, but it did help, if only a little. 

“Yea”, Naruto sat on the couch with his elbows on his knees, hands cradling his head as he tried to wrap his mind around what just happened. How had he not noticed the changes in Neji, he did admit to him being a bit more reserved than usual, a bit more sketchy. And there was that dent on his car that he claimed was an accident at a gas station earlier that week. Dumbass probably nodded out in a parking lot and hit a pole. How could he be so stupid. But Neji always seemed the most strong out of all of them, having been there longer than any of them, and always seeming so clear headed and involved in his own recovery. This was a complete blind side. Two totally different views that were both true in their own ways. 

Kakashi came ambling down the stairs with a walmart bag Naruto could only assumed held the tempestuous paraphernalia. “Ok, I cleaned up everything and I tried calling him three times, he turned his phone off, so, all we can do is wait and hope he comes back.” 

“Yea” Naruto couldn’t bring himself to contribute more, feeling drained of any emotions he thought he could produce. 

“Well, I’m going back now, try and get some rest, these things happen.” 

_ “These things happen”, Well they fucking shouldn’t. They fucking shouldn’t.  _

“I know.” 

Kakashi left, as Naruto heard the front door shut and the beeping of Kakashi taking out Neji’s door code, effectively locking him out of the house that was his home just barely an hour ago. Naruto couldn’t bring himself to look up from the hard wood floors, until he heard Kakashi’s car ride over the gravel and the transition onto smooth pavement. 

Then he just let himself cry. 


	3. Uphill Battle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is back to the current time of things, 3 months give or take after the flashback of last chapter. Its very much longer than the first two chapters and I'll try to keep things at this length from now on.

It was like seven in the morning and Naruto most certainly did not want to go into work in three and a half hours, especially since he hadn’t slept the entire night before. And yea, he had Gaara’s insomniac ass to keep him company, but Gaara was usually too engrossed in whatever book or story on his laptop to mutter words. Gaara had designated the hours from 3am to 8am as quiet hours, which meant no blabbering and no loud music. Naruto was honestly alright with this arrangement since the nights where he couldn’t sleep he didn’t really feel like talking either. Kiba and Neji had declared Naruto and Gaara’s room the 7/11 of the house, since neither of them ever slept much and when it came down to it, were always up for a heart to heart if any one of their friends stopped by in the late hours, much to Kakashi’s exasperated attempts to reinforce the rule of no visitors past midnight. 

Gaara was long gone, working at a breakfast cafe as a baker that required him to arrive at four in the morning. Gaara loved the job, not having to interact with people much, but getting to bake in the back of the cafe in silence, making bread and little cakes that made Naruto’s mouth water. Every now and then Gaara would bring some back for the whole house and Naruto swore they would throw a parade in his honor one day. 

Naruto preferred getting ready for work early so he could fuck around later and not be stressed about being punctual. No one ever got mad because someone was early after all and Naruto had had enough times of being yelled at for being late for one lifetime. 

Taking a scalding shower with very soft music coming from his speaker, the last time he woke Neji up on his day off was a day of terror he didn’t want to repeat, he washed his face, hair and just took time to relax, and empty his mind. It was Iruka’s suggestion, his sponsor, to take time out of the day to relax and think about nothing. To focus instead, on just taking care of himself, despite his entire childhood screaming otherwise. Taking care of himself was still an uphill battle, but if taking time in the shower to relax was something he could do, then so be it. 

Scrolling through twitter for twenty minutes in a towel was also self care, he’d fight about it. 

With an hour left to kill until he had to leave after he’d dressed in his black dress pants and black button down, he put on his old vans, that may or may not be falling apart, not making the same mistake twice with his work shoes, and headed downstairs. Really Naruto had lucked out with being so close to the main road of the downtown of the west side of the city, which was like a separate more hippy sect of the city as a whole. Which meant it was barely a two minute walk and through an alley to the nearest coffee shop, praise whatever was above. 

Jogging up the stairs of the back entrance, which was on a porch with a mostly open part of the wall, with a slide down door that looked very much like a garage. The coffee shop was oblong with chairs and a couch to the left with artwork on the rightmost wall with the counter up front. Coming from the back meant passing everyone who was already seated, and as Naruto made his way to the front, he couldn’t help but notice a familiar shock of black hair, with the weird spikes and everything. The guy had a mug of coffee next to a laptop with what looked like text books off to the side. He looked concentrated and honestly frightening. Like instead of studying he was looking at the corpse of his arch nemesis planning on how to hide the body. Yea, that intense. As Naruto was walking by, the mystery dude made eye contact and Naruto swears, whatever force was holding him to the earth at that moment almost gave up. Nearly crashing into the nearest table, he refocused himself ahead and made a fucking beeline to the counter, thankful for no line at the time. 

He placed his order and then waited with his hands in his pocket, thinking about his outfit, he looked ready for a funeral, and honestly he preferred seeing hot guys in an outfit of his own choosing, not the outfit of the universal restaurant world. Oh well, worse things could happen. He fidgeted a little waiting for his coffee, having ordered it to go just in case his nerves demanded him to leave, he rocked back and forth on his heels. 

“I’ve seen you here before.” The deep voice from a few days ago and the horrifyingly embarrassing incident, and yes it was an _ incident _ , said. 

Naruto turned and saw the man whose name he still didn’t know somehow, standing shockingly close, considering where he was previously sat,  _ damn I must’ve been out of it hard  _

“So you know where I live and where I get coffee and I still don’t even know your name.” 

_ Yes, fuck yes, that was so smooth oh my fuck I am a god  _

“Well, you could’ve just looked at the app, so who’s really the dumbass Naruto?”

_ Damn he says my name nice  _

“Ok, well now you’re just being a bastard flaunting your own information above me.” 

The guy seemed to let out a chuckle that came out of the corner of his mouth.

“My name is Sasuke, dumbass, come sit with me.” 

_ Jesus christ I’m going to have a heart attack  _

At that moment his order was called and Sasuke was making his way back to his table. Naruto followed behind him and sat across from him. Taking a sip of his own extremely sweet thai cold brew, Sasuke was just looking at him. It was unnerving really to have such focus entirely on him, but Naruto took it and just sipped his coffee looking up through his lashes, (he knew what he was doing with that look by the way). 

Sasuke spoke suddenly “So you still chill?” 

Naruto felt his face get hot.  _ Dammit and I was doing so well _

“Oh, who, me? Always chill at all times of course.” Needing to divert the attention from his floundering confidence, he continued “So you in school?” gesturing to the few textbooks off to the side. 

“No, dumbass I’m torturing myself because I’m a masochist.”

“I’m not one to judge, whatever does it for you.” Naruto shot him a grin over the laptop that was still open in front of him. “So what are you majoring in?” 

Sasuke looked down at whatever the screen was showing, seeming to close in a little, if that were possible of someone with such a commanding air about themselves. 

“I’m majoring in Art History with a minor in business, and don’t laugh because I know what you’re thinking-”

“Oh so you know that I’m thinking ‘wow what an interesting field to go into, I wonder what all goes into it?’”

Sasuke seemed to eye him for a moment determining if Naruto was joking or not, but Naruto just kept his stare and lifted an eyebrow, challenging almost to say he was lying. 

“That’s not the general opinion of most.” 

“Fuck the general opinion.” Naruto challenged, really meaning it with his whole chest. If there was something he was stanced about, it was about always rallying with the dissenting opinion. Seriously, fuck society. ‘ _ Society’s been against me from the start anyway, might as well get a jump on things.’  _ He always thought. 

Sasuke appeared to be weighing something out in his head, when Naruto checked his watch, shit it was almost ten and he had to leave at least by ten minutes after in order to have prime chill time in his car before his shift started. 

“Hey, I’ve got to go into work soon, so I’ve gotta jet.” 

“Wait, give me your phone”

“I’m sorry?” 

“I know you are, just hand it over.”

Naruto didn’t even have time to get in a comeback when his conveniently unlocked phone was in Sasuke’s hands and he was typing something in his text messages. 

Sasuke hands it back with a small smirk on his lips.

“There, text me if you get bored at work, or even if you don’t.” 

_ Dear god I’m going to lose my shit, he’s TRYING to seduce me with his words, I know he is, I just know it. _

Naruto couldn’t do more than just look at him, everything catching up all at once. “Heh, yea, I’ll do that, feel free to remind me if I’m slacking.”

“I’ll hold you to that, you know.”

“Maybe I’m counting on it.”

_ Yes and I’m coming back for the win, fuck yes, goddom has been restored. _

“Bye Sasuke, it was good officially meeting you.” 

Naruto got up and tried his damndest to look suave as he exited off the back porch and into the back alley, crossing the road and down the street two houses down to his own. He stepped on his porch, fully out of sight from the coffee shop and he couldn’t stop himself from doing a little wiggle with his hips and  _ maybe  _ a little squeal escaped, who knows, there were no witnesses. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

The drive to work that day was especially upbeat, as Naruto listened to an old Dance Gavin Dance album, with Me and Zoloft Get Along Just Fine absolutely blaring from his poor speakers that had surely had enough in their lifetime. He felt on top of the world honestly, already planning his third date with Sasuke and maybe a proposal, when his phone rang. He looked down and saw the contact SPONS, with numerous heart emojis surrounding it. He answered and then sat the phone down on his thigh, since his phone was still hooked up to the aux chord. 

“Hey Iruka, what’s up, I’m on the way to work right now.” 

“Oh, I didn’t mean to call when you’re driving I was just calling to ask if you wanted to come out to eat after the meeting tonight.”

_ Fuck, the meeting, I had forgotten today was friday.  _

“Oh, sure, yea, who all is coming?” Naruto knew how these things could grow out of control in NA, one person hears and the next thing you know, you’re telling the poor host that its a party of twenty three and counting.

“I was just thinking you and your little crew, I’ve already texted Kiba, so he’ll respond whenever he wakes up I guess.” 

“My little crew? You act as if Neji doesn’t call all the shots.”

Iruka let out a little laugh, as Naruto slowed down around a curve, living in the mountains meant no straight roads ever. 

“True, and I also wanted to ask about your recent assignment, Kiba’s already done with his Naruto and it’s been almost three weeks.”

Naruto groaned, yea it was fun having the same sponsor as one of your close friends but it also meant that they both usually had assignments at the same time, and with Iruka also being a really good friend in addition to being his sponsor meant that Iruka would usually harangue him more about impending deadlines. 

“I know, I know, I’m working on it trust me.”

Naruto thought about the assignment, which was to list ten behaviors that he thought contributed to his addiction and a little paragraph stating how he could improve upon them. And yea, it seemed pretty fucking simple, but being asked to evaluate yourself honestly and point out all the things that led you to fuck up your life wasn’t fun, and wasn’t something that Naruto was exactly eager to contribute to. 

“Anyway...I met a guuuyyyyyy” Naruto said suggestively, already letting on the tone under which he met said guy. 

“Oh?? Do tell.”

“Well, he was my doordash driver and I tripped and made myself look absolutely stupid.”

“Don’t call yourself stupid” Iruka interjected.

“Anyway, he was at Odd’s cafe this morning when I went over there and he asked me to sit with him and we talked a little, anyway I got his number!” 

“That’s awesome Naruto, so when are you getting married.” Iruka joked, already knowing how dramatic Naruto was in cases like these.

“Well, I was thinking an August wedding, ya know not too hot and perfect vacationing time, we could get back from our honeymoon right before our kids go to school, I mean really, its perfect.” 

He could hear Iruka laughing in the background. “Ok kid, I’m going now, I’ll see you at the meeting tonight.” 

“M’kay, Ruka, love you, I’ll see you later tonight.”

“See you kid, love you too.” 

Naruto hung up the phone, and the music came back just as loudly as it went out. He rolled down the windows and let the summer sun bask on his tanned skin, feeling really good in a long time. He was sure it was a relief to Iruka, who worried over him constantly like a mother hen. He really did love Iruka, and that’s one thing he really liked about the whole 12 step community, everyone always said they loved each other all the time. With all the death in the program, it was important to always tell people because honestly, any of them could die at any time, and they made it known that they had enough regrets with their life, and not telling someone they loved them, when they did, wouldn’t be another one they made.

Damn, Naruto was going to have a packed day today, He got off work around 2, depending on when cuts were made, then he had therapy with Shizune at 4, that lasted until like 5:30, then the meeting at 7, and then dinner. Compared to most of Naruto’s days of just relaxing by himself and maybe riding along with Neji and Kiba to wherever they were raising sober hell at, it was a busy day. But caffeinated, running on four hours of sleep from two days ago, and thinking about the giddyness of meeting Sasuke,  _ oh shit, I can’t wait until I tell Neji and Kiba.  _ Gaara most likely wouldn’t care, except maybe to scare Sasuke to death if and when he came over.

_ Oh shit....Sasuke’s probably a normie _

Meaning, he wasn’t an addict...meaning at some point, Naruto would have to tell him.

Naruto pulled into his parking spot on the side of the restaurant, still having fifteen minutes until he was suppose to clock in. 

How do you casually bring about the topic of living in a halfway house, like _ oh hey, I live in a house with four other actual crack heads, but don’t worry, I’m perfectly normal.  _

_ Shit _ , since Naruto was always around other addicts, and meeting new people usually at meetings or through other addicts, so far, it wasn’t usually a problem explaining to other people that he was in recovery. 

And sure, in an idealistic world, Sasuke wouldn’t care about that, but there’s always the chance that he does. Maybe he was robbed by an addict, hell, maybe someone he knows was killed by a drunk driver one time, or fuck, he didn’t know, most people didn’t even need a reason to dislike him, with his bridge piercing and large fox tattoo covering his entire right forearm, people usually just took him as a delinquent. And yea, they were right, he did have a criminal record, but to admit to someone that frankly yes, he was the exact thing his image told society he was, sucks. 

“Fuuuuck” He let out under his breath.  _ I’ll deal with it later _ he decided, and put it in the back of his mind. 

Not wanting to go into his shift in a bad mood, he turned on Rico Nasty from his spotify and let himself scroll twitter aimlessly for the next ten minutes. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

His shift went by pretty fast, it being a friday meant more people, and all he had to do as a host was direct people to tables, so he was constantly moving, checking to see which tables were clean, convincing servers to  _ pleeease take an extra table _ , and even bussing tables himself when the bussers got too overwhelmed made sure he was steadily busy. 

In the last thirty minutes before he left, he felt his phone buzz, taking it just out of his pocket to see that an unknown number had texted him ‘hey loser’. He told the other two hosts that he was going to the bathroom real quick before darting off to the corner of the restaurant that most of the times smelled. 

Shutting the door behind him and checking the stalls to make sure no one was in there besides him, he took the small juul from his front pocket and pulled long and hard. Yea, it wasn’t his usual vape the size of a brick, but it was smaller and less noisy, and yea he had a nicotine addiction, it was better than the two packs a day, and far better from the heroin, so he would take it. 

He pulled out his phone as he went into a stall and sat down, giving some relief to his feet that he knew would be screaming if they somehow had mouths. Hitting the juul again absently he unlocked his phone, ignoring Kiba’s text asking about tonight, he went straight to Sasukes, going into ‘make new contact’ and saving him as The Bastard, chuckling a little to himself. 

He responded with a tactful ‘Babe, I thought we were done with each other, you’re crawling back so soon?’ 

He needed to make sure Sasuke knew what he was getting into, quickly at least, by the way things were going. 

Sasuke responded fairly quickly. ‘Ha ha, you’re hilarious dumbass’ 

‘Ugh already with the pet names, and you haven’t even bought me dinner yet.’ 

Once again, Sasuke was fast with the reply. 

‘I could change that, you busy tonight?

Goddamn Iruka, fucking fellowshipping, fucking meeting, fuck everything that was currently in his way right now. FUUUUCCCCKKK. 

‘That would honestly be perfect, but I’ve already made plans with some friends tonight’ meaning 

_ Hey, im actually going to be hanging out with some felons tonight, we’re actually not suppose to all be in the same car with each other, but hey, what’s a few felonies between friends right?  _

Jesus Sasuke had no idea, did he? 

Sasuke didn’t reply right away, and his time in the bathroom was running short. Naruto pocketed his phone taking a few more drags of the juul until he almost felt light headed, damn nicotine levels that he knew was just raising his tolerance, which was why he preferred his only six milligram vape as opposed to however the hell much was in the juul. He went outside to finish up his shift, which passed by quickly when he found himself sitting at the bar in the restaurant having ordered his food after he clocked out. It was about 2:30 now, they’d had a big rush right when he was about to be cut so he stayed a little longer to help out with bussing tables. He only got food here because it was cheap and he had a fifty percent discount meaning he could get a full meal with big portions for only about four dollars, and that truly made it all worth it. He sat at the bar sipping his coke, the only time he ever drank soda was here and that was because he had seen a host pass out because of low blood sugar before, so instead of hoarding candy like some of the others did in the host stand, he just drank a lot of soda. 

He watched the bartender serve someone a very embellished cocktail, and the smell of liquor filled his nose. A sudden pang of want filled his chest. Drinking hadn’t even been his thing, he’d maybe gotten drunk like three times in his almost 22 years of life, and yet it was the fact of wanting something he couldn’t have that really got him. Yea, even though drinking wasn’t his problem, he’d seen plenty others like him who thought they could have  _ just one drink _ , and within two weeks they were on the side of the street asking for money to buy their next hit. And who knows, maybe drinking wouldn’t be a problem for Naruto, but was he really willing to risk his entire life for what, a few glorified beers? No, he wasn’t. Didn’t mean he didn’t want to though. The resentment of knowing he could never be like other people, like the normies, was an easy pit of despair to fall into. Knowing that he would always have to be working on his own recovery, always on his toes just to make sure he didn’t ruin his life never seemed fair to him, until he thought about all the things he’d done in his past, and then he always came to the conclusion that no, he deserved much, much, worse. 

His food came in the styrofoam to go box and he picked it up along with his drink and headed out the front door, he waved bye to the other hosts who were truthfully not paying much attention to him, and he made his way out to the car. He was now well into his feelings, thinking about his differences with the rest of the world. He knew exactly what would help. Depressing songs. (Actual playlist linked in notes at the bottom) Turning on his sad playlist, honestly made him feel better, as he pulled out of the parking lot, and headed towards Shizune’s office. After waiting for his food it was about three oclock now, and it took maybe twenty minutes with traffic, sometimes thirty to get there, and once again, no one was ever persecuted for being early. Making his way through traffic, one of his favorite bands came on the playlist, and he was excited of course, as if he didn’t make the playlist himself. Yea, the band was called Rainbow Kitten Surprise, but it was honestly a good band, he’d die on this hill. 

Making far better time than he anticipated, he pulled into a rare good parking spot in the little strip that held Shizune’s office and decided to go ahead and eat his food, despite not feeling very hungry, he figured he should try to eat what he could now, as he picked out a random youtube video to take his attention for twenty or so minutes he had to kill. 

Remembering Sasuke’s earlier messages, he abandoned his food quickly and exited youtube, going to his messages to realize that Sasuke had never replied, and it was about an hour and a half ago at this point. Naruto knew that Sasuke most likely had a life and was probably just busy studying or whatever students did these days, as Naruto hadn’t been a student in almost three years at this point, thinking about the EMT classes he was taking once upon a time. 

He decided to text Sasuke again, just to make sure he didn’t come across as rejecting him.

‘How about tomorrow night?’ 

Tomorrow night would’ve been perfect since he was opening the restaurant again and would get off with plenty of time to freak out and relax and also hype himself up for the obvious date. 

Once again, there was no reply.  _ Maybe he’s in class _ Naruto reasoned. Of course his mind naturally went to  _ Oh no, he hates me, he knows I’m scum of the earth, someone told him.  _

But Naruto was working on it. 

That had been Naruto’s favorite phrase since going into recovery. ‘I’m working on it.’ It was better than ‘I know’ because if there was one thing recovery had taught him was that he didn’t know much of anything he thought he did. And he was working on just about everything a person could be working on. Working on his mental health, however a downhill battle it seemed, working on his negative thoughts, working on contributing to society, working on being a better person in general. Even if most people couldn’t see it. 

It was ten minutes until his appointment at this point, so he closed the takeout tray, unplugged his phone from the orange charger in his car, and brought the half empty cup with him, knowing how dry his mouth gets during his appointments. 

It was still a sunny day, but the dark clouds in the distance promised a storm, and Naruto hated thunderstorms, with a burning passion. It wasn’t that he hated the rain, no, he loved the rain actually, but winds, coupled with excruciating loud noises, and how dark it got, just brought back old hurtful memories that he would much rather do without. 

He opened the glass door with Shizune’s name on it, with the title ‘adolescent and child psychiatry’ beneath, and Naruto guessed that’s what he was, an adolescent, even though he had never once felt like a child in his entire life, but then maybe that was the problem. Coming here always brought these thoughts into his head without his permission, and once again, maybe that was the fucking point. 

The receptionist at the front smiled at him as he walked in, with a soft “You can go on back, Naruto.” 

Naruto made his way down the hallway to the left of the front desk and knocked on the second door on the left of the hallway, hearing Shizune’s voice give a gentle “Come on in.” 

The carpet was a dark ash, and the walls a navy blue, there were childrens toys in the corner next to a plush two seater couch but Naruto always preferred to sit in the chair that was directly in front of her desk, it was a little cushioned but still made of wood, and it made him feel just the tiniest bit more in control than a couch would, or at least that’s how Shizune had explained it. 

“Naruto! How are you today sweetheart?” Shizune was always overly familiar with him, since she knew Jiraya, his guardian since he was fourteen, which was the main reason he came to see her, it meant he didn’t have to pay out of his own pocket. But Jiraya probably would’ve paid anyway, no matter where he would’ve went. Guilt was a very lucrative emotion. 

“I’m doing good, went to work earlier, and I’m planning on getting dinner with some friends and Iruka tonight after a meeting, so busy I guess.” Naruto never knew what she was really looking for when she asked how he was doing. 

“Good, good, how’ve you been sleeping since I saw you last week?”  _ fuck  _

“Alright, I didn’t sleep last night though, and only a few hours the night before. I got a good nap the day before that though.” Naruto offered.

“Ok, there’s room for improvement. Did you do the routine we discussed in your last visit?” 

The routine she was referring to was a process of no phone for an hour before bed, meditation for thirty minutes and then repeating to himself that he was safe over and over again. And no, it didn’t help. 

“Shizune....I tried.”

“Ok, so walk me through what happened.” 

“I started hearing things again. Footsteps, shouts, banging, the usual.” Naruto said without any feeling in his voice, hating admitting details like this, always afraid that he’d be locked up in a looney bin somewhere  _ again.  _

Shizune said that it was a normal part of CPTSD,  _ complex post traumatic stress disorder _ , to have flashbacks like that, even if they were only auditory. He hadn’t had a full immersion flashback in almost two months, since a drunk guy got angry and started yelling at his last job at a smoothie shop that had ended with Naruto hyperventilating in a corner in the back room of the shop crying his eyes out, and Neji had had to drive him home. He couldn’t speak for the rest of the night, and could barely meet anyone’s eyes for even longer after that. Yea, he quit that job pretty quickly afterwards. 

“Naruto, I’m afraid that if you refuse to take your sleep medication, then the only solution I could offer you would be EMDR therapy, and you’ve already raised doubts about that treatment option. So how would you like to proceed.” Shizune gave him a look that was a mixture of frustration and concern. 

God Naruto hated this so much. EMDR was a therapy that meant Naruto would have to relive all his worst memories, just with a pretty light going back and forth in front of his eyes. And yea, he knew it would help, he’d done his research and heard nothing but good things, hell, he even knew people who had gone through it, and they had amazing results. The problem? He couldn’t get through the process of those memories and what they had done to him without loading his body and mind with every substance he could find, nearly killing himself in the process, what in the world was different that he wouldn’t do it again, given the right situation and stress. He couldn’t get through those memories clean the first time, and he doubted he could get through them clean a second time. So no EMDR, until he was well into his clean time and for sure not going to ruin his life. 

Seeing Naruto’s visible discomfort, Shizune changed the subject. 

“Have you had any more ideations since last week?” 

_ Damn she was straight to the point  _

“No, none, it was just a bad week last week.I don’t feel as alone as I did and I realized that my friends don’t all secretly hate me.” He rolled his eyes at his own dramatics of last week, when he was totally convinced that if he died everyone would be better off. 

Shizune let a small smile take over. “Good, because I would miss you, and you really are wanted Naruto.”

Naruto’s mind naturally gave a little aversion to that statement, but he met her eyes and nodded anyway  _ I’m working on it  _ He thought to himself. 

_ I’m fucking working on it  _

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

The rest of the session went by with Shizune asking things like how he was feeling in general, and if he was eating properly and all that, things about self care, and knowing he was worthy of basic things that you’d think would be second nature to most people, but basic things like taking a shower, making sure he wasn’t hungry, and general things like that would probably always be a challenge to him. And most of all, making sure he wasn’t “isolating” which was a thing he apparently did often enough to warrant concern. 

He got back to his house, with too many thoughts in his head, and a dry mouth, from talking so much or just the pure nerves he had in her office, always afraid of saying the wrong thing that would get him sent away. 

He got into the living room of the medium sized house and fell onto the couch. He checked his phone to see what day it was, it felt like he was suppose to do something... 

_ Shit shit shit shit.  _

It was a little past six in the afternoon, and it was a  _ Friday _ , meaning a drug test by 6:30 at Kakashi’s office or he would be at risk of being kicked out. 

He jumped up off the couch he had literally just sat down on, and sent Kakashi a text saying that he was on his way, and that he was sorry for being so last minute. Kakashi hated when people waited until the last minute to test, saying it was cutting it too close and without a valid reason, downright addict behavior. Naruto hated that phrase  _ addict behavior.  _ It was a valid phrase, but he heard it far too often 

He jumped BACK into his car, and headed down the road to the five minute drive to the office, which was really just the basement of the halfway house, the first house all the guys lived at when they first came to Konoha Recovery. It included a stark curfew of 10:30pm that none of the guys adhered to, and a requirement of a signed meeting sheet for at least five meetings out of seven days a week, and all chores had to be done by ten am at the latest every damn day, and fuck, Naruto was glad he didn’t live there anymore. He pulled up front to the house and ran around back, down the stairs and to the glass sliding door that went straight into basement. 

Naruto went right in, having given up the habit of knocking when he realized that Kakashi never locked the door on testing days, and even then always kept the curtains open. 

“Hey Kakashi, sorry for being so late, I forgot it was Friday for some reason.”

“It’s alright, you’re not my last, these damn brats have decided to test my patience today it seems.”

“Testing your patience is one of the few ways we have left to enjoy ourselves, cut us some slack.” 

“And you’re saying that because you still haven’t cleaned the living room at your house, right?” 

_ Dammit, he must’ve done a house check after I left for work  _

Naruto brought his hand up to scratch the back of his head, letting out a nervous laugh 

“Really? I could’ve sworn that I just swept”

Kakashi let out a disproving sound as he flipped through some papers at his desk that was situated in front of the stairs that led up to the rest of the house. A big L shaped couch was right in front of the glass door facing a big flat screen. In the corners of the room were trash bags of clothes and miscellaneous belongings of guys who had relapsed and had just left everything behind, sometimes they came back to get their things. Most of the time, they didn’t. 

Kakashi got up from his desk chair, and made his way to the conjoining bedroom, where the bathroom was and where Naruto got the beautiful pleasure of pissing in front of the man, three times a week, for what felt like the rest of his pitiful life. 

Naruto peed in the cup and washed his hands as Kakashi placed a testing strip inside it then capped the testing strips and placed it to the side. 

“Only six panels this time? They cutting the budget or something?” Naruto quipped 

“Nah, just ran out of the usual kind and haven’t ordered anymore yet.”

“You’re slacking Kakashi, just admit it.” Naruto walked out with half a smile on his face.

He’d like to think he was one of Kakashi’s favorites, since he’d never relapsed, his issues with doing his chores aside. 

“Well I’m going back now, I’m fucking exhausted, I had therapy right after work and my head still hurts from thinking of all the ways I’m fucked up.”

“Welcome to crew, kid, it doesn’t get easier.” 

And with that cheerful tidbit, Naruto decided, he needed a fucking nap. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

  
  


It’s not easy sleeping through Kiba’s loud ass footsteps up the stairs by his bedroom, but by fuck Naruto tried. He turned over in bed and braced himself for the inevitable, and yea, it came. 

Kiba busted through his door, with energy Naruto swears he once possessed, maybe on meth or coke. “Hey bitch, wake up, it’s meeting time.”

Naruto knew rather than heard Neji go into his and Kiba’s room, knowing Neji most likely picked Kiba up from work since Kiba’s mom sold his car on his last relapse, as a ‘consequence’ she had said. 

“Go change clothes and I swear I’ll be ready Kibs, I’m fucking tired.”

“Alright alright, get your lazy ass up.” Kiba left the room in a blissful silence. 

Naruto turned over, facing the bed on the other side of the room, finding Gaara looking at him with his headphones in, his laptop propped up on his lap and a disinterested look on his face. 

“Long day? How was therapy?” He asked, turning back to whatever it was that held his attention.

Gaara could remember the schedules of damn near everyone it seemed, when he cared that was. 

“Mehh, it was alright, you know how they are about the sleep thing.” 

Gaara made a noise of understanding, knowing damn well how professionals took sleeping patterns _ very _ seriously and knowing how both of them never heard the end of it.

“You gonna come to the meeting with us?” Naruto got up and started searching the floor through various piles of clothes for something to wear that wasn’t dirty, he really needed to do his laundry soon. 

“I went to the twelve oclock after work, I’ve had enough experience strength and hope for one day.” 

Naruto laughed a little at his dry humor, appreciating the fact of how old the meetings got, and very quickly too. He put on a pair of baggy jeans with holes in the knees and a random black t shirt that had some design on the back that didn’t smell badly yet. Picking his phone up from the side of his pillow, he saw that he had a text from Sasuke. A smile found its way onto his face without his permission as he read ‘deal, lets meet at the arcade on haywood at 8’. 

“Good news?” Gaara probbed, his green eyes watching Naruto like a hawk when he met his gaze. 

“Actually, my dear sleepless friend, I have a date.” Naruto put his phone in his back pocket with a flurry of his wrist. 

At this, Gaara furrowed his light eyebrows, cleary not getting the memo that Naruto was even talking with someone. Letting out a sharper “With who?” than he intended. 

“Do you remember that doordash driver I told you about? The hot one who LITERALLY caught me in his dashing arms, no pun intended?” 

Gaara smirked, if only just a little, resuming his attention on his laptop screen. “Yea? You managed to get his number after that?”   
  


“Well not directly after that, but he was at Odds this morning and we got to talking, he put his number into my phone, and boom, my charming good looks and stunning personality won him over.”

“Yea, I’m sure it happened just like that.” 

Kiba appeared in the doorway again. “What’s this about you having a date?” 

Naruto saw Neji walking down the stairs, and knew without a doubt that Neji would leave them if they made him wait too long, he had proven it in the past.

“I’ll tell you both in the car, lets go.” Naruto went past Kiba and paced down the stairs a bit quicker, trying to catch up to Neji. 

“Bye Gaara” He shot back, not expecting a response. 

By the time Naruto and Kiba got outside Neji was already cranking the two door Infiniti, they scrambled to the other side of the car and Naruto climbed in the back, having long since stopped trying to argue with Kiba over who got shot gun. 

Neji turned in the drivers seat and scrutinized Naruto. Silence drifted between the two until Neji took a breath, like he was trying to decide what to say. 

“So let me get this shit straight, you have a date, and I’m here looking stupid waiting for a text back, is that correct?” 

Kiba and Naruto busted out laughing as Neji put the car in motion, a pout clearly on his usual stoic face, muttering what could have been “Doesn’t make no fucking sense.” 

Kiba calmed down a little, and finally got to what he’d been wondering the whole time.

“So who is it? Are they in the rooms?” ‘In the rooms’ being code for ‘are they in recovery’?

“His name is Sasuke, and let me tell you the whole story, y’all remember that fine as shit door dash driver?” 

Neji let out a scandalized “No!”

“YES!” Naruto exclaimed “He was at Odd’s cafe this morning, and we like looked at each other but didn’t say anything, and then, and THEN, he walked up behind me and was all like ‘I’ve seen you here before’ and you guys I shit you not I hit him with the smoothest shit that has ever come out of my mouth...” Naruto went on to explain is wild detail with a few exaggerations his interactions with Sasuke and how they would be going out the next night, much to Neji’s jealousy. At the end of his rant they were in a church parking lot with numerous smokers loitering outside the basement entrance, chit chatting in various groups and cliques, letting them know that they were at the meeting indeed, since so many addicts in one place together not committing any crimes was highly indicative of some higher power at work. 

They all sat in silence for a few seconds and Kiba and Neji shared a look with each other from the front, both appearing to have the same question in mind. Neji decided to be the one who shared the concern, appearing hesitant at the least when he asked Naruto “So...are you going to tell him straight away or...” Letting the question drift off. “I mean, what if he wants to go out for drinks, or you get to his apartment to “hang out” or whatever and he has a half pound of weed on his end table?”

Naruto sighed, this being the exact thing he was trying to put at the back of his mind. “I’m not going to tell him up front, not right away at least. If he wants to drink then I’ll just tell him that I don’t drink or something. And I’m probably not going to be going back to his apartment so soon, like yea most of our interaction has just been pure flirting at this point, but I think I really like him, I don’t want to just fuck him and be done so quick anyway. Look, if he seems serious after a few dates and I can actually see this going somewhere, then I’ll tell him. But guys, we can’t just go up to every single person we meet in life and announce to them that we’re addicts, it’s just not realistic.” 

Kiba, sometimes deciding to be a voice of logic, depending on his mood countered with “Yea but if you’re going to be spending time with a person, and you’re in early recovery like we all are, it’s kinda important to know if they’re into shady shit, if only for your own protection.” 

Naruto felt himself grow a little tense, really feeling the need to point out that, actually, he wasn’t really in early recovery anymore, having almost a year clean to his name, while his two best friends in the front could barely piece together four months of clean time combined. He knew it would’ve been a low blow, it was never considered justified to throw a relapse in someone’s face after all, but maybe he was still just a little bitter at his two friends abandoning him and leaving him to clean up their mess, emotionally and literally since at separate points he’d been forced to help Kakashi clean their belongings out of their rooms weighing with the burden that they could both end up dead. 

Naruto took a deep breath to calm himself down and decided to just acquiesce.

“You’re right, and I will be telling him, just not immediately. I’ll be careful guys, I promise.” 

Kiba made eye contact with him, and shared a small smile unbuckling his seatbelt, “Ok, we just love you dude and we don’t want anything to happen to you. You’re the one that’s held us all together, you know.” 

Neji was already outside the car and as Naruto climbed from the back he released whatever tension was left in his shoulders.

“Yea, yea, we all know everyone would fall apart without me, tell me something I don’t know.” 

Naruto tried really hard to ignore the small voice inside his head that always felt the need to remind him that, maybe sometimes things fell apart  _ because  _ of him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the playlist I mentioned, Nart's sad boi anthems, https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1wIy001DH5ymuH73f0fnsY?si=dEJ79JfSRF-uGsIm74BGjg   
> ill probably add to it as time goes on if you're interested in playlists for fics. I'll most likely make another one of just songs that this Naruto likes a lot, all for characterization purposes of course and not because I'm trying to avoid my responsibilities at all.


	4. Shaky Steps

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, things have been... messy in my life to say the least, but don't worry, you'll know more when I inevitable project it onto the story in order to cope. :)

The meeting went on as expected, full of rowdy young adults and the stoic old timers with decades to their name, the newcomers sharing somewhat ridiculous shares, all but vomiting their emotions for everyone to see, their feelings so raw and vulnerable without a substance to numb it being so scary and overwhelming for the first good thirty to ninety days. There were some meetings that encouraged new comers to “sit down and shut up” but that kind of harsh thinking had begun to die out a little as more and more people began to die themselves. There were still those in the program who were harsh and definitely belittling, thinking that tough love was the only way to really get through to people, but now, at least in this area, more people were taking the kinder and softer way of explaining things, for the sake of not running people off. 

Naruto thought of one of the first meetings he had been to when he had gotten out of rehab last year. A younger man was sharing, and basically bitching about how he didn’t want to stay clean, how the rules at the halfway he was at made him angry, and how badly he wanted to get high, the guy was making a mockery of the whole meeting and everyone looked uncomfortable with various levels of understanding on their faces. An old dude who had sat staring disapprovingly the entire time, looking angrier by the minute, interrupted him, and loudly just proclaimed “You want to go get high boy?” The young guy was shocked into silence immediately, as the old dude pulled out a twenty dollar bill, walked across the circle, put it in the guys lap, and then said “Then go on ahead.” 

The younger man stormed out, with the twenty in his hand, and no one ever saw him again. 

Naruto thought about that night often. He never went back to that meeting. 

They exited the church, the sun long been set and as it was a pretty big meeting on that friday night, the clamor of so many people talking and making plans was damn near overwhelming. Naruto pushed through the crowd of people blocking the covered doorway, the chirps of bugs mixing with the profanity being thrown around loudly. Out of the big throng of initial people were various groups of people standing in circles of different friend groups. There were the younger preppy girls, probably with less than thirty days each, the older women and men, officially in the program cliques of differing committees and such, the guys that were in their thirties and forties, with a good many years each, and then just different friend groups all standing in the parking lot, damn near every single one had a cigarette in hand, and the smoke was choking to someone not already used to it. 

Naruto made his way over to where Kiba was talking loudly to Neji and various other guys their age that Naruto couldn’t remember the names for to save his life. They all joked around and bullshitted for a good ten minutes before Neji turned to Naruto “Hey you wanna find Iruka so we can see if he’s ready to go.” 

Naruto had almost forgotten about going out to eat, not even seeing Iruka during the meeting. He was probably just sitting in the back or maybe he had come in late. Iruka worked at a treatment center like the one Naruto went to, there were a few in the area, and Naruto was glad that he hadn’t gone to the one that Iruka worked at because most places had a policy of no interaction or fraternization between past “clients” and the employees. Lord knows what had to happen in order for such a rule to be made, but it made sense in a way. 

Naruto walked a distance away and began looking around, finding Iruka talking with a group of newcomers, since Naruto had never seen their faces before, and they all looked worse for wear. 

Iruka noticed Naruto approaching, and seemed to say goodbye to the little group looking up to him in admiration and walking towards Naruto, meeting him halfway to his starting point. 

Iruka messed up his hair a little affectionately “Hey, you ready to go?” 

“Yea, where were you thinking of eating? Neji’s waiting but Kiba kinda ran off, it’ll probably take a minute to tear him away.” 

Kiba was always bouncing between groups, talking loudly to everyone as if he’d known them all his whole life and once he got going, it took a good few minutes to both find him and wrangle him into a car. 

“I was thinking sushi? That place on Merimmon stays open late so I figured that’s a safe bet.” 

“Hell yea, that sounds perfect, I haven’t had sushi in a while anyway, and you can give me some tips for my date tomorrow.” Naruto shot him a grin and a wiggle of his eyebrows. 

Iruka laughed a little snort through his nose. “Please, you’re younger than me, surely you don’t need my advice.”

“Oh, but I do, you managed to tame Kakashi, you’re obviously some sort of guru in the area.” 

“You know none of that was my doing, he wouldn’t leave me alone, I had no choice but to entertain him and by the time I was planning on getting rid of him, I liked him too damn much.” 

Naruto laughed harder at that, thinking of Kakashi chasing anyone too hilarious an idea to not to, as they walked up to Neji who was on his phone close to where all the cars were parked. 

Neji looked up “Damn, you don’t have Kiba? I just texted him that I was going to leave him if he wasn’t here in five seconds.” 

Like he was fucking summoned, a running Kiba emerged from the crowd yelling “Please don’t leave me again! Fuck!” 

Iruka and Naruto laughed at that while Neji was looking very satisfied with himself. 

Iruka checked his phone then put it into his back pocket “Perfect, the gangs all here, sushi?” Neji and Kiba both let out various affirmations, Neji a bit more enthusiastic since sushi was his favorite.

They all piled in their respective cars, playing music, no one really talking save for a comment about the meeting in regards to who sat with who, who had relapsed with who, and so on. Naruto toned most of it out, knowing that those were people he had gotten close to, when he was new in the program and starved for genuine human connection, making friends with anyone who would talk to him or hang out with him, not knowing that it wasn’t a good idea at the time, being close with so many addicts was just setting himself up for heartbreak and abadonment, not that he knew it then. 

They arrived, ate, apologzing to the server who was obviously ready to leave for the night.They talked about anything and nothing of real importance, as they were leaving, Iruka must have noticed how quiet he was, as Kiba and Neji made the way back to the car, and pulling him to the side.

“Hey, you alright?” Iruka murmured, a gentle expression on his face.

“Yea, just feeling quiet is all, thinking about my date tomorrow I guess.”

Understanding seemed to fill Iruka from the bottom up, as his posture changed, putting an affirming hand on Naruto’s shoulder.

“I get it, this’ll be your first serious date in a long time and a lot of things have changed since you’ve probably been on one.”

Suddenly Naruto couldn’t help but want to spill everything immediately, Iruka had that effect on people.

“It’s just, the person I used to be is so different than who I am now, and even back then, I never actually went on a date, or even cared that much about people for that matter, I just slept around and did what I had to do to get what I wanted. It was all about instant gratification, or manipulation, or just getting people to like me. That’s how I know how to go about this whole thing, sleep with him so he likes me, make him laugh so he wants to be around me, impress him so he might want something from me, and... and that’s not how normal people think, that’s not what I’m suppose to be thinking about right now. I just wish things could be simpler!”

By the time Naruto is done with his rant, his words are rushed and he’s almost out of breath, afraid that if he stopped talking for one moment, then he might never say what he actually meant.

Iruka only sunk deeper in his understanding, closing his eyes for a moment, looking at the ground and taking a deep breath. 

“I understand that Naruto, that’s only normal, when you don’t have a pattern or way already worn, something you’ve practiced and done before, it’s terrifying and overwhelming, I get it. But you can do this. You  _ can.  _ All it takes is actually doing it. So what if you worry, so what if you’re nervous, that doesn’t matter. All that matters is the moment you do what you know you can.” 

Iruka smiled softly and looked into Naruto’s eyes that were level with his, trying to forced to calming air into him if only through osmosis. 

Naruto took a deep breath and smiled a little. Already feeling better, and damn how’d Iruka get so good at this. 

“Yea, you’re right. The worry won’t matter when I actually just do it.” Already feeling more confident than he had all day, Naruto reached around and hugged Iruka, hard. 

“Thanks Ruka, you’re amazing.” 

Iruka laughed a little “Of course, kid, just say the word, and I’ll be there regardless, even if you make a mess of things.” He joked as they parted.

“Yea, yea, and be there to pick up the pieces, I know.” Naruto turned towards Neji’s car, a smile still on his face, “See ya ‘Ruka, love you!”

“Love you too, you anxious shit” 

Naruto heard the car door shut and sauntered over to Neji, who was standing outside his driver’s side door. 

“You good now?” Kiba called, poking his head out the passenger side window.

“Yea, now hop in the back, It’s my turn on shotgun, and don’t bitch about it. 

Kiba crawled over the seat, despite the sound coming from Neji that said  _ not on the seat you bastard  _

Naruto got in the front seat, fully prepared for tomorrow, feeling hopeful, and damn good about himself. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The date is next chapter!! Sorry for it being such a short chapter. I may have a flashback soon too, to reveal more of the "old" Naruto in my story, he was a fucking scary mess.


End file.
